This is actually a little something I came up with while doing a 100 Themes Challenge. The theme is 'Ten Seconds', I started writing...and came up with this.
Link to original challenge: http://british-prophetess.deviantart.com/art/100-Themes-Challenge-Various-Prompts-285828405
----
Ten seconds.
That's generally how long our conversations last.
You were the slightly awkward boy who felt out-of-place in a crowd where there were few who knew you. And I was the loud, seemingly cheerful and upbeat girl that decided to approach you.
"I feel so out of place. I don't know anyone here." You say.
"Hey, we're talking." I reply.
I swore I saw you smile slightly.
~
Ten seconds.
The swapping of my outer personae...
The upbeat, cheerful person you see is just a mask. Deep inside, my mind is a very dark place, of inner demons and monsters, of trust issues and abandonment issues.
Perhaps you noticed. How I carry myself in social media and in real life. It's almost perfectly identical. I am almost always happy, and I make my frustrations seem funny and entertaining, as if those things mean nothing to me.
Because that's how the world wants to see me.
~
Ten seconds.
It can take a mere ten seconds to lose a friend.
Because the moment I take off my mask and show my inner self, people will leave me. They don't like me for who I am inside. My friends who accept me no matter what, I can no longer meet often. It hurts.
And so I put on my mask. The mask of a happy, cheerful, and upbeat person. In hopes that someone will be my friend...
So now I ask you...
If I take off my mask, will you stay?
Just for ten seconds after I take off my mask.
Ten seconds...it means a lot to me.
Ten seconds.
----
This is sorta based on my real life experiences. I act cheerful and upbeat because that's how people want to see me as. My old classmates would only converse with me if I was happy. It's heartbreaking...
I wrote this mainly because, frankly, I've been feeling like sh!t after the last few days of school and the IG exams, where my presence was practically not acknowledged. I practically LIVED for the messages that came through the Brave Frontier group my math tutor made. It got better, especially after the camp, but still...some days, I can't help it.
It's really funny how many people still say that I have that childish innocence in me, acting like I'm younger than my age. It's just my mask. Deep inside, I'm not like that. Get me in late nights to get a glimpse of the real me: a dark, brooding person who thinks of the weirdest sh!t, who has trust and abandonment issues.
In the Angel's Notes from the camp, the note with the (seemingly) male handwriting mentioned about how I am an 'energetic and happy' person.
Whoever sent that, if you are reading this, I ask you...
Will you still be my friend after reading about my inner self?
No comments:
Post a Comment